Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Ephemeral Beauty

Ephemeral Beauty

This is a story from 7th grade.

Two guys in my class walked up to me. One of them asked, "Who's the prettiest girl in the school?" Without hesitation I replied, "Nicole" (names have been changed). Then he asked, "Who would you marry?" Just as quickly I answered, "Erin." He turned to his friend and said, "Everyone says the same thing."

Nicole was a willowy (to borrow a cliché, but she really was) blue eyed blonde with hair reaching to her shoulder blades. She was also a princess. She was beautiful and she knew it. In contrast, Erin was a plain looking brunette...not really big boned, but far from slender. But the biggest contrast was in how the two girls looked upon and treated other people. Nicole thought she was special...and you weren't. Erin didn't look down on anyone. I don't recall her ever voicing a criticism about another person. It was relaxing just to talk with her. She had a way of putting you at ease.

All the guys thought Nicole was beautiful. But none would have married her.

Guys aren't as stupid as people think. Oh yes, we get mesmerized sometimes, but it happens to women, too. All the time. That's just life.

After grade seven I didn't seen Nicole again until grade 10. She had changed. The confident, stuck-up air had been replaced by a sadness. You see, Nicole peaked in grade seven. She never got any prettier. In fact, she looked pretty much exactly the same as she had three years earlier. Many girls, including her younger sisters, had eclipsed her in terms of physical beauty. Nicole had never cultivated any other attractive qualities. She hadn't needed to. Now she was no longer the centre of attention, of desire...and their was a hole in her life that she didn't know how to fill.

There's another girl I recall from grade 10. She was a cute, short, blue eyed, blonde girl of Dutch origin. Amber ran with the elite girl's clique, suffered from the same character flaws as all her beautiful friends. (I don't expect I need to make a list.) Two years later I saw her as I boarded a bus. Our eyes met briefly as I walked past. I'll never forget that look. It's nothing I can even properly describe. You see, Amber had put on weight. A lot of weight. She'd gone from being the short cute girl to being the short fat girl. There was recognition. Recognition that she'd fallen and now here was another person who knew it. And sorrow. Perhaps shame. It was complicated.

I couldn't help but feel sorry for Nicole and Amber. They probably deserved what happened to them. On an intellectual level I know that. Poetic justice or whatever. But I still felt sorry for them. I've known the pain of being an outcast. Of being looked down upon for one reason or another. But it's different with me. I never had anything to lose. I learned not to care about what other people thought. (Perversely, once I stopped caring people started thinking more highly of me!) These girls hadn't developed a thick skin. And is it really their fault that they were the way they were? Society fawns over pretty little girls. Parents and relatives coo, teacher's favour, and strangers praise. For what? The child hasn't done anything. Just being is enough.

In the teenage years the boys start coming. They're willing to do anything to please the pretty girls. There's attention, favours, gifts...all free for the taking. Character and personality are still forming. These pretty girls (and boys) are as impressionable as anyone else their age.

So is it really their fault? Or does society mold them? Do each of us mold them?

Beauty is ephemeral. Everyone gets old and eventually loses their looks. There is a day that comes when one is at one's physical peak...and every year after that is a decline. If you haven't developed an attractive personality then what do you have that's inviting? If you haven't developed your mind or your talents or your character then what do you have to offer?

In our youth and beauty oriented culture no one ever stops to ask questions like that. No one thinks about the future anyway...until it's here and it's too late.

So think about it. What do you have to offer? Is the answer obvious? It may not be. That doesn't mean it isn't there...you may not have looked for it. When you find it, cultivate it as much as you cultivate physical beauty, if not more – because it will last for much longer.

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