The Nature of Giving

The Nature of Giving

I firmly believe that, unless stated otherwise beforehand, giving must be unconditional. That might seem like an obvious statement, but in reality when most people give something to another person (be it a gift or favour) they have an expectation of receiving something in return. It may be gratitude, friendship, sex, approval, acceptance, loyalty or future gifts or favours. If there is an expectation of benefit it needs to be stated up front. That kind of giving is really a form of contract between people (and there's nothing wrong with that)...and you cannot impose a contract upon someone without their knowledge and approval.

When I give a gift it's because I want to, not because I want something in return. For me, giving is done of my free will and is an expression of my esteem for another. It means I feel that person is worth giving something to and I have recognized an opportunity. An expectation of benefit on my part would only ruin everything. Expectations are burdens we carry with us. When they're met we are merely relieved, when they're not we're angry. Why attach a neutral or negative result to what should be a pleasant and positive interaction? Let your expectations go. In doing so you will free yourself.

We have traditional times of gift-giving. Christmas, Valentine's Day, birthdays, weddings, baby showers. There's an expectation associated with these events. In some cases, a duty. But the best time to give or receive a gift is when it's unexpected (see my earlier blog: Unexpected Packages - Thursday, April 13, 2006) - during those other 350 days a year of generally wasted opportunity.

The ex-girlfriend who is fondest in my memories is the only one who bought gifts for me just because she wanted to. They were small things, but carefully chosen...and that's what mattered. I still have all of them because of how much her thoughtfulness meant to me.

Giving goes beyond gifts and favours. There are those who have what I call a "spirit of generosity." They take advantage of opportunities to help others and share their knowledge and experience. They hold open doors, yield for drivers who need to change lanes, and treat strangers with courtesy and respect. They have a cumulative effect on our lives through the hundreds of small considerations they present each and every year. And it doesn't cost a thing.

Giving can be spontaneous, opportunistic, unhoped for, surprising, and pure. It can be playful, romantic, or affectionate. These are good concepts. Have fun with them.